We have to admit something to ourselves: As a community, a culture, a society. We make it difficult for families to throw off the weight of addiction because we really want them to keep it in the family.
The community wants the elephant in the room to stay in the room, nicely and neatly, behind closed doors.
Stigma of shame and silence about addiction is community-wide.
Community services don't want to handle it.
A recent account by a woman who's working hard to detach herself from her husband's drinking, and do her own emotional recovery says it all. One night, after he'd spent most of the day and evening drinking in front of the TV, her husband stumbled out the door - drunk. He got in the car and drove away. She'd warned him, if you drive drunk, I'll call the police. She's done it before - threatened to call the police - but he knows (if he even cares) that it's a bluff.
This time though, she pushed through all the thoughts and fears about the consequences and dialed 911.
About half and hour later the phone rang. It was the police ...
"We've got your husband, what do you want us to do with him?"
Back to her - like every other time she's asked for help, she's got to take responsibility for her husband. She's put in the place of deciding whether he experiences the consequences of his behaviour, or she protects him from it. The protecting is called enabling. She knows it and is trying not to. She reached out for help - and it's thrown right back on her lap. Who's going to protect her from the community enablers?
Next time you see a public service announcement by some community service bragging and posturing about how they're on to drunk driving and what they're doing about it (One of the clever ones has the slogan "get hammered, get nailed"), ... remind yourself that for the most part, the drunks get away with it. Because even when they're caught, the community would rather we keep it in the family.
