MORE ON THE ALCOHOLIC AND THE PROBLEM DRINKER

Last week I went round and round trying to sort out the difference between what we call 'alcoholism' from what we call 'problem drinking'. 
A common exercise, no? ... and it results in a common problem: getting all bound up in the meaning of words and self-doubt while the drinking continues, causing profound damage to untold numbers of people - families and communities.

In the end it's all about words isn't it? Our paralysis I mean. I suppose it's necessary and helpful for some people to sort out the difference - although I'm not sure who. Policy makers? 

Our experience tells us (as long as delusion and denial don't get in the way) when our drinking, or a loved-one's drinking is merely a 'problem' or is really 'pathological' ... but, when is problematic drinking not pathological? Uh, oh, there I go again .... words, words ... the temptation to digress.

But we know it. Deep down we do know it. 

We know when there's something wrong. The challenge is what to do about it. What am I willing to do about it?

Then again, words like delusion and denial, defiance and grandiosity do have a basis in reality. And the real experience of delusion and so on do prevent us from knowing ... from accepting that there's something wrong here. (Is that what hitting bottom means - when our delusion, denial, defiance and grandiosity lose their power to create reality?)

That said, and plowing ahead here: If the drinker is you - if you're an 'alcoholic' who really would like to be a 'problem drinker', ask yourself a few questions:

    - Do I spend time thinking about and planning ways to control my drinking? Do I succeed for awhile then unexpectedly find myself out of control again?

    - Is my continued drinking causing negative consequences in my life?

    - Do I really resist giving up my drink or other drug of choice no matter the cost?

If the drinker is someone you love, or otherwise care about, ask yourself some questions too:

    - Do I spend a lot of my waking time thinking about the drinker? 

    - Do I spend a lot of my waking time planning how to control him or her - to help them? 

    - Do I ruminate about how my controlling and helping behaviour has failed?

    - Do I blame them for my unhappiness? 

The point I'm trying to make is simple but often missed. It is this: dealing with problematic or pathological drinking in our lives is not about understanding labels. It's about being honest with ourselves and others about our experience and the impact it's having on our lives and relationships - on our well-being.

Call it what you will. But see it for what it is and find some willingness and intent to do something about it. 

(Here's a parting shot for those of us who want to get all bound up in more words: harm reduction versus abstinence.)
The most sure-fire way to reduce the harm of drinking alcohol or other drug use is abstinence.