Tuesday 28 January 2014

A HUMBLE REFLECTION ON MINDFULNESS

The following is a quote from Annie Dillard's A Writer's Life. Aside from the evocative nature and beauty of its imagery, the passage started me thinking about the moments of our lives - and of that trendy word: mindfulness. 

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing. A schedule defends from chaos and whim. It is a net for catching days. It is a scaffolding on which a worker can stand and labor with both hands at sections of time. A schedule is a mock-up of reason and order - willed, faked and so brought into being: it is a peace and a haven set into the wreck of time: it is a lifeboat on which you find yourself, decades later, still living. Each day is the same, so you remember the series afterward as a blurred and powerful pattern.

How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.  

You could be even more precise and say: How we spend our moments is how we spend our days ... then automatically it follows, how we spend our days ... 


Each moment builds upon and becomes the pattern, the fabric of our lives.

Dillard gives a nod to the need for a schedule, a way to manage and use the fleeting nature of time when struggling to be disciplined, especially when no one else in the world cares about one person's impulse to be creative - at writing or anything else. It's all up to you. 


Living by a schedule - whether imposed on you by a someone else as a workday, or created by yourself - is a way to grab hold of life and get things done. A schedule speaks of the need to accomplish, to create and build, to nurture and grow ... and it is a fortress against the forces of sloth and confusion and the weight and inertia of depression. I suppose you could say that this regard for the moment and the unfolding of days is at the heart of living life fully. 

Another way of regarding, managing and cherishing the moments of our lives over time, is to pay attention. 


That means paying attention to what's happening in each moment - both outside and inside of ourselves. And the word for that of course, is mindfulness. Or, being mindful. 
  


But paying attention in the moment, although it is a crucial step, is only part of being mindful. Real mindfulness has this moral connotation of knowing that one is thinking, saying or doing something that is going to produce some happiness now and in the future - or will result in suffering now and in the future.

Mindfulness is not just bare attention. Real mindfulness is built upon and rests on an understanding of, and faith in the law of cause and effect. Will this thought, word or deed of mine produce more happiness to me and all those who are affected by me? Or more suffering?

And the deeper the understanding, the stronger the faith and the better the ability to withhold from thinking negative things, saying negative things and doing negative things.

But perhaps the most important thing to understand on the path of moments, days and lives of mindfulness, is the crucial need to develop an attitude of not being judgemental of our thoughts, words and deeds. Judgement causes negativity to scuttle into hiding and mask itself with rationalizations and justifications, shame and guilt. 

The effort and attention we pay in each moment helps us to KNOW that we are thinking, saying and doing negative things - things that cause more suffering to myself and others. If we know it, and accept it, we can make an intention to think, speak and do differently without getting stuck or derailed by judgements.  

Like the demands of living by a schedule, being mindful requires discipline and attention. It also requires perseverance and self-acceptance ...

Tall orders to be sure, but the rewards - as the western world is discovering all in a rush - are sublime. 

By the way, I called this a humble reflection. It's to remind myself that when it comes to mot things, and especially mindfulness, I've got a lot to be humble about.

Thursday 23 January 2014

MORE ON THE ALCOHOLIC AND THE PROBLEM DRINKER

Last week I went round and round trying to sort out the difference between what we call 'alcoholism' from what we call 'problem drinking'. 
A common exercise, no? ... and it results in a common problem: getting all bound up in the meaning of words and self-doubt while the drinking continues, causing profound damage to untold numbers of people - families and communities.

In the end it's all about words isn't it? Our paralysis I mean. I suppose it's necessary and helpful for some people to sort out the difference - although I'm not sure who. Policy makers? 

Our experience tells us (as long as delusion and denial don't get in the way) when our drinking, or a loved-one's drinking is merely a 'problem' or is really 'pathological' ... but, when is problematic drinking not pathological? Uh, oh, there I go again .... words, words ... the temptation to digress.

But we know it. Deep down we do know it. 

We know when there's something wrong. The challenge is what to do about it. What am I willing to do about it?

Then again, words like delusion and denial, defiance and grandiosity do have a basis in reality. And the real experience of delusion and so on do prevent us from knowing ... from accepting that there's something wrong here. (Is that what hitting bottom means - when our delusion, denial, defiance and grandiosity lose their power to create reality?)

That said, and plowing ahead here: If the drinker is you - if you're an 'alcoholic' who really would like to be a 'problem drinker', ask yourself a few questions:

    - Do I spend time thinking about and planning ways to control my drinking? Do I succeed for awhile then unexpectedly find myself out of control again?

    - Is my continued drinking causing negative consequences in my life?

    - Do I really resist giving up my drink or other drug of choice no matter the cost?

If the drinker is someone you love, or otherwise care about, ask yourself some questions too:

    - Do I spend a lot of my waking time thinking about the drinker? 

    - Do I spend a lot of my waking time planning how to control him or her - to help them? 

    - Do I ruminate about how my controlling and helping behaviour has failed?

    - Do I blame them for my unhappiness? 

The point I'm trying to make is simple but often missed. It is this: dealing with problematic or pathological drinking in our lives is not about understanding labels. It's about being honest with ourselves and others about our experience and the impact it's having on our lives and relationships - on our well-being.

Call it what you will. But see it for what it is and find some willingness and intent to do something about it. 

(Here's a parting shot for those of us who want to get all bound up in more words: harm reduction versus abstinence.)
The most sure-fire way to reduce the harm of drinking alcohol or other drug use is abstinence.

Monday 13 January 2014

WHAT THE HECK IS A PROBLEM DRINKER?

I recently read an article that began with this question: Are you an alcoholic— or just a problem drinker? ......

A poser, for sure. 

But I have to say, I don't understand the difference.

When I stop and think about it, all I can do is ask question after question ... 


Does "just' mean the problems created by the drinker aren't very serious?  Like, 'do you have stomach cancer or just indigestion'? Even if it's just indigestion don't you have to do something about the behaviour that caused it if you want it to go away?

Or, even better, are the problems not even connected to the drinking? 

"Doc, every time I eat mushrooms I get indigestion."
"Well ... don't do that any more."
"But I like mushrooms."

"When I drink and drive I get charged with impaired driving - it's happened 3 times already. Maybe I shouldn't drive when I drink ... or, should I stop drinking? Nah, I just won't drive when I drink."

Does "just" mean there's hope for you, and if you're an alcoholic there isn't? ("I can drink a lot and still make a rational decision about whether I should drive home ...")

When is an alcoholic not a problem drinker?

Does being an alcoholic not cause problems - for the drinker and everyone else in their life?


Isn't problematic behaviour and the problems in one's life that follow from that behaviour integral to being an alcoholic?

Doesn't the problem drinker have to do something about his or her drinking if it's causing problems for them? 

Doesn't an alcoholic have to do so too - if he or she wants to sort out their life - to go on living? (People die of alcoholism. Do they die of problem drinking? .... Wait a minute, maybe I've got it wrong: Maybe they don't die of alcoholism - but if not, what's killing all these problematic drinkers?) 

Who makes the diagnosis. The drinker? An expert in the field? 

If an expert says you're just a problem drinker do your family, your friends and your employer (and employees for that matter) have to accept all the problems caused by your drinking? 

"Sorry, but we're not going to be able to eliminate the problems your husband's drinking is causing - because he's not an alcoholic. But we're all going to work really hard to reduce the harm. I have to let you know that I'll defend his right to have a few drinks on a Saturday night. 
Yes, there will continue to be problems and his drinking will cause harm, but if he works on controlling it, there will be less harm."

I hope you understand irony.

But this exercise and all the questions are making my head spin.  I can't think straight ... I'll pick this up next time.